Friday, 31 January 2014

EA Kills Dungeon Keeper

Do you know what Dungeon Keeper is?  Well if you don't I'm about to give you a lesson!

Dungeon Keeper was a PC game released in 1997 and developed by Bullfrog Productions.  The game was a real time strategy game where you played as a dungeon overlord, managing your dungeon, recruiting monsters and keeping heroes away from your dungeon heart with fiendish traps.

It was a really good game since you were basically free to mine out any part of the map and build something there.  Hiring monsters wasn't as simple as building a building and producing stuff, you had to do special things like torture enemies (or even your own creatures) to death or locking them in prison for a set period of time, it was an interesting take on the genre and it's a classic game.  No description I can give it will do it justice, just go and fucking play it.

So we've not had any kind of Dungeon Keeper action since Dungeon Keeper 2 which was released in 1999 but some time last year EA released Dungeon Keeper mobile.  I'm late to the party here but I'm sort of glad because this game is a fucking disgrace.

Dungeon Keeper mobile is a free to play game for phones and tablets and I guess is an attempt to bring Dungeon Keeper back.  I've not played it and I never will, so why am I so mad about it? 

Well, the way I understand is that when you try to mine out blocks of the dungeon, a timer appears.  Let me show you what I mean with a picture I got off the internet.

So as you can see it takes time to mine out a block, which I guess is fine for a mobile game, having to wait for things is kind of common.  But hold the phone, look at that fucking wait time! 24 goddamn hours to mine ONE! FUCKING ONE! block of the dungeon.  But wait, the bullshit gets even worse than this.

You can speed up the process of things in the game by spending green gems.  As far as I'm aware it IS possible to get green gems through mining, but it takes so fucking long to mine anything that it's not even worth it.  So of course, the game has micro transactions for these gems, take a look.


Now you may look at that and think "oh, 14,000 gems is a lot, I could do a lot of mining with that surely?"  Well no, you're wrong.  Some guy on YouTube worked it out and 14k gems let's you mine FIFTY SIX fucking blocks.  Back when I played Dungeon Keeper on PC I'd mine 56 blocks in the first two or three minutes of the map just so I had space to put shit.

So yeah, surprise surprise, EA is being a bunch of money grubbing dickholes.  If you have ever bought gems for this game, please seek professional medical attention, because there is clearly something wrong with your brain. 

For people who want to experience some REAL Dungeon Keeper, head over to Good Old Games and buy the damn thing for like $5, and play for as long as you want without having to spend any extra.

Fuck this game, fuck EA and fuck anybody who supports this bullshit.

Tau Plays Outlast Part 3!

Sorry for the slow uploads on this thing, I got sick and I didn't want to upload any more until I knew I could carry on doing commentary for it.

Anyway, here it is! Hopefully there will be less of a break between this and the next one!

Thursday, 30 January 2014

Barkley Shut up and Jam Gaiden


But seriously, how has it taken me so long to comment on this damn game?  I beat it weeks ago live in stream in about 5 hours and finally I'm saying something about it.

So, in case anyone wasn't in the stream the night I marathoned it, Barkley Shut up and Jam Gaiden is a very strange free indie RPG about basketball.  The story follows the adventures of Charles Barkley in a dystopian future where basketball has become illegal and Barkley has a dark past.  Through the game you meet various characters, each one stranger than the last as the go on an adventure to bring B-Ball back.

If it sounds fucking nuts, that's because it is.

Gameplay wise it's a standard RPG.  You walk around a map, talk to people, fight monsters, level up and so on.  Each character you get has a unique way of attacking the enemy so it's not just a case of mashing attack until you win, which keeps things nice and interesting.  There isn't much else to say about the gameplay, basically if you have played any classic style RPG before, then you know what this game has to offer.

However, where this game really shines is in its writing.  Sure, it's not Shakespeare but it's charming, funny and somehow I managed to get genuinely interested in a silly plot about basketball.  The writing takes itself sort of seriously, but what the characters are saying is so ridiculous that it becomes funny.  Scenes where they talk about basketballs as weapons of mass destruction is both gripping and hilarious and it's amazing how much it pulls you into its world and characters as well as giving you a chuckle.

It's not a long game but there is lots to enjoy and there are even a few side quests to take part in so it's a really good way to kill an evening if you have nothing else to do.  I suggest that everyone gives this game a go at least once, it's free, fun to play and genuinely really funny.

Finally don't worry if your knowledge of basketball isn't up to scratch since my knowledge of the sport is fairly limited but I was still greatly entertained by the game.

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

What the hell happened to Final Fantasy characters?

I'm starting to think everyone who works in the Square Enix creative departments have massive brain problems....

You'd be forgiven for glancing at the above image and thinking you were looking at a lineup of whatever shitty pop group is popular now in Japan.  Well you'd be very wrong, that is the cast of the upcoming Final Fantasy 15 and just......fuck....what happened to this series?

I want you to think back to Final Fantasy 7, think of the cast in that game and how distinguished they all looked from one another.  You had a dude in purple overalls with a huge sword, a chick with huge tits, a black man with a gun for an arm, a remote control cat robot, a shotgun wielding vampire and others.   Quite a varied group of individuals for that particular adventure.

Now look at the above picture, we have bloke with bad hair x6, Assassins Creed guy, generic old man, chick with straight bangs, 2 more blokes and a blonde girl.  Where the FUCK did all the creativity in the cast go?  I guess it died with the guy who knew how to write halfway decent plot lines.

I remember when Team Fortress 2 came out and I think it was a developer working for Valve that said that you could tell how well a character was designed by how people were able to recognise them by their silhouettes.

I can tell you who all of those characters are just from that above picture, if you did that with FF 15's cast you probably couldn't.  It's the same with FF7, 8, 9, 10, 12 or hell even 13 had better designed characters and that game sucks more than having nails funnelled into your anus.  Final Fantasy 15s cast looks so fucking generic that it just kills any hype that I may have.

Not that I really had any hype, because even though I've heard that it's going to play like Kingdom Hearts that doesn't mean it's going to be saved from the horrible writing that has come with all recent Final Fantasy games.

Unless it's one of the best RPGs ever made, FFXV can suck a dick.  They should just kill this series and make something that won't kill my hype from just the name alone.

Monday, 27 January 2014

The Japan Gamer Episode 3! Game Centre Tour!

The third episode of The Japan Gamer is here!  This time me and my friend give you a quick tour of my nearest game centre.  Due to complications we had to do it post commentary, but you get the general idea of things.

Sunday, 26 January 2014

The January Retro Game Hunt

First of all, sorry I've not posted anything in the last couple of days.  On Friday I was busy and on Saturday I was sick with a hangover.  I was planning to make these Game Hunt things a series of videos, except my camera is complete arse so I'm hoping to get a new one, or at least a spare battery very soon.  So for now, here is the stuff I bought in text and picture format.

So just in case you missed it, here was the video with the initial 4 games that I purchased with my FC Dual system.

Except there's been a few more purchases since that video was uploaded, so allow me to share them with you

The first two I'm listing were actually donated to me by a friend, so big shoutouts to him.  First up we have Xevious!

I don't think there is anyone who doesn't know what Xevious is.  Released in 1983, Xevious is one of the big grandaddies of the whole scrolling shooter genre.  Great little game, fun way to kill an hour or so at home.  Sure, there are tons of better shmups than Xevious, but if you're in that retro mood then you can't go wrong with this one.

The second game that was donated to me was an RPG

Drakkhen is a game I know very little about.  In fact, I hadn't even heard of this game until yesterday, and for a mere 250 Yen what do I have to lose really?  From what I have read on the Wikipedia article, it's a port of an Amiga game and it's a 3D RPG where you wander around a big world and do missions for dragons....or something.  When I popped it in there was a cleared file with maxed out guys with the best equipment and I couldn't really figure out what the fuck I was doing so it's the kind of game I'm going to have to sit down with and properly figure out.

Next up is a strange space themed game called Daiva
Sorry about the picture being sideways, no matter how much I fuck with it, it keeps coming up sideways.

Anyway, Daiva is some kind of strategy space thing.  I couldn't really figure out what the fuck I was doing in the 5 minutes I gave to test it out, but it looks like you have to fly around a map and take over all the other planets and destroy all the other enemy ships or something.  I could be totally wrong, yet another game I'm going to have to spend a long afternoon with.

Then there is battle commander.

Yet another one that is just sideways for no reason, fuck my camera.

I have no idea what the fuck this game is aside from being some kind of strategy game.  I fired it up and as soon as I got in game, BAM!, wall of fucking Kanji, so it's on the pile of long afternoon games like Daiva and Drakkhen.  As far as I can tell it's some kind of Gundam game...or it least has giant robots in it and I know fuck all about Gundam so this one is really going to take some time to get going with.

Finally, the best find of the month!

Once again, fuck camera etc.

Chrono Trigger!  Do I really need to say any more than that?  Chrono Trigger for 350 yen (that's £2!).  Popped that sucker in and played it for a few hours, great RPG, absolutely classic.  There was also a file already on there from the previous owner with some really high level characters on it, so it was fun to muck around in that file as well.

So there you have it folks, that's all the retro stuff I got over January.  I'm not really going to have time to do another retro shop which is why this post is coming a little early but next time I hope to get this in video format.

Also let me know if there is anything I should look out for!  I'm hoping to get a PS2 in the next few weeks so I can start buying PS1 games!

(Just as a side note, yes, the price stickers do come off easy, I'm just lazy)

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Estranged: Act 1

Estranged Act 1 was a game that just popped up in my Steam store one day and it's price was £0, so what the hell reason do I have to not at least try the damn thing out?!

Well OK, Estranged isn't exactly free since it's a mod for Half Life 2.  In case there is anyone reading this post who isn't aware of what that means; it means that you have to own a copy of Half Life 2 to play the game, otherwise it won't work.  Then again, Half Life 2 was released 10 fucking years ago, so if you're a avid Steam user and you DON'T own this game, then really what the fuck are you doing with yourself?

Anyway, I didn't know anything about this game going in, and I'm glad I didn't so if you want to experience it the same way I did, then stop reading this post, go beat the game, then come back and read the rest.

The game starts with an unamed protagonist in a boat.  You get a call on a radio about an island that's been overrun with something nasty and then your boat explodes for some reason and the game starts.  From the few screen shots I saw I thought I was going to be playing either a walking simulator or a puzzle game, but oh how wrong I was.

Estranged is a rather well made first person survival horror type of game for the most part with a bit more focus on action nearer to the end of the game.  The game isn't going to blow anyones mind in terms of innovation but what is here is really well made.  It controls well, the level design is solid, there are some original models, characters are fully voiced, there's a sort of interesting plot going on with a bit of mystery, the level design is good and it's the atmosphere for the game is really nice.

All the limitations that come with every Half Life mod are present, but that's more the engines fault than that of the people who made it and it doesn't really spoil any of the enjoyment of playing the game.  I suppose you could argue that the game is a little short, I beat it in one sitting in about an hour and a half, but for £0 that's pretty good value for money.

So go and give Estranged: Act 1 a go, you have literally nothing to lose in doing so.  Personally, I can't wait for Act 2 and I'd even be willing to pay for it as long as they made it a bit longer (unless they only charged like £1 or £2 for it).  You can tell that the creators put a lot of work in here and it would be a shame if they didn't get at least some recognition for their game.

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Microsoft Hitting An All Time Low

So, the story that's been flying around the internet recently, is that Microsoft have been paying off popular YouTubers to say very nice things about the Xbox One in their videos.  As far as I understand how it works, you have to be partnered with Machinima (one of the biggest gaming channels on YouTube), you have to have at least 30 seconds of game and you can't say anything bad about the game or the system, it all has to be smiles and happiness.

Now this isn't uncommon in advertising for companies to use big name people to push their products.  For example I remember those Gillette shaving adverts where they were using famous sports people to tell us what a good shave they were having, and no one said anything then.  But there is a difference between that and what Microsoft are doing.

When those adverts appear on TV, you know and are told that these people have been paid by the company to do endorsements for their products so you take what they say with a pinch of salt.  But YouTubers on the other hand are a different story, they aren't big name celebs, they are just people and the reason we watch those videos is because we want another persons honest opinion.

If you watch a video of someone taking part in this deal (there's a tag you can search for), they don't tell you that they are being paid to endorse the Xbox One, they just talk about it like it's a great piece of kit and pass it off as their own honest opinion, which I can bet for at least a certain percentage of those videos, it's total crap.  If you are one of those people who said nice things about the XBone JUST for the money, then I hope all your game systems break at the same time because you don't really have any place critiquing games like that when you have absolutely no integrity.

People wouldn't even be as upset about it if they just came out and said "yeah, we are paying people to say nice things" because at least then we know we would have to think very hard before we took anything in any Xbox One video seriously.  The fact that they are so underhanded about it is what makes the whole thing really pathetic.

But then this makes me think 2 things.  The first being that if they are willing to pay YouTubers to say nice things about the Xbone, how much are they paying big news sites for good write ups of games?  When things like Bioshock Infinite get 10/10s I've always said that it's because someone being paid for that score rather than the game being any good because that game is about as stupid as it gets.

The other thing is, how do we know that Microsoft aren't paying off people to say nasty things about the PS4?  Now I'm going to be rather wary of any Machinima partners slagging off Sony because maybe they got paid to say that shit as well.

Microsoft is fucking pathetic, instead of paying people off to say nice things about their system, why don't they just use that money to make some GOOD FUCKING GAMES....idiots.

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

The Japan Gamer Episode 2: Stat Cards

It's pretty common in Japan for arcade games to have a card that goes with them.

In this episode I give a brief overview of the cards I own, what games they work with and what they do.  The next episode will be a tour around an actual Game Centre! so look foward to that one!


Works with Nesica

Works with Aime

Works with Aime
Works with Aime
Works with Aime
Works with E-Amusement
Works with E-Amusement
Machine for Charging Paseli Credit to an E-Amusement Pass
Some machines I couldn't find pictures for online and don't have a picture to hand, so you'll just have to wait for the episode!

Sunday, 19 January 2014

Barkley: Shut up and Jam Gaiden Until I Win Marathon!

Remember when I posted that news about Shaq Fu 2 I mentioned that I was planning on dong Barkely Shut up and Jam Gaiden for the January "Until I Win" marathon? 

Well it's going to happen tomorrow (20th January) from about 9 or 10 PM Japan time depending on when I get home from work!  I've heard it's not a huge game so we might be done in about 5 hours or so, but the chances of things going wrong are pretty high so it'll probably be more than that.

So don't forget to tune in tomorrow at

Also don't forget that it's all for charity and to donate during the marathon here!

Friday, 17 January 2014

Tau Plays Outlast Part 2!

Here we are again with Outlast!  I have a bit of a moan about the jump scare nature of the game and then get brutally murdered!  ENJOY!

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Steam Early Access Needs to Fuck Off

If you want a way to guarantee yourself a lost sale on your video game, release it as an early access title on Steam because then unless it's gifted to me I'll never fucking play it.

If you don't know what Steam Early Access is, it's a thing where a developer can release their game on Steam basically before it's finished.  They allow people to play it to get feedback on their game, improve things, maybe drum up a bit more money to make it even better, that kind of thing.

When Early Access first became a thing I thought it was a kind of neat idea, I didn't mind it, but now it just pisses me the hell off.  Right now, half of the games on the "top selling" part of my Steam are fucking early access games.  The only reason it's not more than that is because Darksiders is on sale right now and the pack is taking up a spot and the same thing with a Star Wars pack.  If those two things weren't on sale, I guarantee there would be early access games clogging up the damn list.

Maybe I wouldn't be so upset about it if the top selling game wasn't fucking DayZ for a whopping £20!  TWENTY POUNDS, for an unfinished game, that I've been told by 100% of people I know who have played it is a buggy piece of shit that they want to enjoy but can't!  Now I've not played DayZ so I'll hold off on my own judgements but it's not going to get me to shell out £20 on a game that barely fucking works.  Until I hear something remotely positive about DayZ being simply playable I might consider it, but right now, based on the feedback I've had from friends, DayZ can go fuck itself.

Worse than that there's a game at the bottom of the list called 7 Days to Die, a game I've heard nothing about really so I suppose I can't say anything about the game itself BUT it's £26.99!!!! That's borderline full fucking price, for an UNFINISHED game, Jesus Christ.  Oh, and it's another zombie survival game, so original!

I remember when I bought Minecraft back when it was in it's beta or it's alpha or whatever the fuck stage it was in.  Sure, it was an unfinished game but Notch was only charging something like £5 for it AND he had a free browser version working to at least show me what the game was like, so I knew going in that I was getting a playable game for a really cheap price.

If the Steam Early Access games did this, and the prices were a fraction of what they are now, I'd be more forgiving, but they are asking you to pay full price for their game and worst of all there isn't even a guarantee they will finish the damn thing.  If the project goes under, well fuck you enjoy your broken ass buggy game.

There is some good in Early Access, I can see why people would WANT to support their favourite upcoming games, but just stop mixing it in with the normal store.  I'm so sick of seeing a game that looks sort of interesting, then it having "early access" written on it, turns me RIGHT off. 

If you want my money, finish your fucking game first!

Monday, 13 January 2014

Tau Plays Outlast! Part 1!

Oh boy! A new playthrough! So soon after the last one too!

It's a horror game so expect to jump out of my skin like a little bitch at some point.

I messed up the audio levels for my first recording session so I might be a little hard to hear at certain points, but it's mostly fine.  It will be better in the future, I promise!  Enjoy!

Friday, 10 January 2014

The Japan Gamer Episode 1!

From today I am starting a new series that I am calling "The Japan Gamer" (for lack of a better name) so I invite you to take a journey with me as I explore the world of Japanese video games and video gaming culture!

To me, the most interesting stuff taking place in Japan is contained with the Game Centres, but to start things off I want to share with you a piece of hardware I found during my trip to Osaka known as the FC Dual.

The FC Dual is a piece of kit that plays both NES and Super Nintendo games and is a lot cheaper to buy than buying the two systems separate.  I talk about the system in my unboxing video, and then I test out some of the games I bought around Nagoya in the second part! Enjoy!

Thursday, 9 January 2014

Shaq-Fu 2!....and January Marathon!

Now I'm no fan of Basketball, I barely know anything about the pro scene but I am aware of who Shaq is.  You don't really have to be into Basketball at all to know who this guy is, he's a pretty well known guy both in and out of basketball.

If you're into video games and you have an interest in retro stuff or you have just been gaming as long as I have, you are probably aware of the above game.  If you're not, then let me reassure you that the picture at the top of this post isn't a terrible photoshop, it's a real game that was released for the Super Nintendo in 1994.

It's actually pretty famous, but not the good kind of famous.  It's a fighting game but it has an absolute ass backwards plot about Shaq where he gets sucked through a portal to another dimension and has to fight dudes to rescue someone or something.  But who cares about plot in fighting games right? well you're still out of luck because the gameplay is ATROCIOUS.  The sprites animate quite well but it's hard to control and the fighting just feels clunky and bad.

This game is SO hated that there is a website dedicated to buying every copy of it that exists and destroying it.  Well these guys might just have heart attacks after hearing what I'm about to tell you about.

Today while browsing the net I came across this article.

In that link there is a video of a guy talking to Shaq, and he jokingly asks a question about a Shaq-Fu 2.  The response is "yeah it's comin' out, the graphics is CRAZY"

Now at first I thought he was just messing with the guy, just playing along with the gag.  I mean c'mon, the idea of Shaq-Fu of all goddamn games getting a sequel can't be true.  But just for curiosities sake I googled it, and found this.

That is a little post about how a trademark was filed for a "Shaq Fighter" video game.  Keep in mind that this was posted in May of last year, and now the man himself is saying its a thing, I don't know if I should take him seriously or not.

Well, this is all just rumours after all, but I'd LOVE to see a Shaq-Fu 2.  Can you imagine, if this thing actually gets made and it ends up being good?  Maybe even so good that it starts getting played at EVO and garners a huge competitive following?! Just think about that.

Still, it doesn't matter if it's true or not because a video of Shaq hyping a sequel to his game that may or may not exist put a big grin on my face this morning, the concept is just mind blowing.

So what does this news have to do with the January stream marathon?

It's not quite Shaq, but it's a game I've not played that's apparently really good despite how silly it sounds, and it's basketball themed so I think now is a good time to play it!  The provisional date for the marathon will be Monday 20th of January! I'll post something closer to the time to confirm!

Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Gunman Clive

You have have noticed that a game popped up in the Awesome Games list on the right hand side so I guess now is about the time I said something about it.

Gunman Clive is a little indie platformer, developed by Horberg Productions and is available for Steam, 3DS and Android...I think.  To give a quick summary of the game, Gunman Clive is a platforming game that takes inspiration for all the best side scrollers of yore and then slams them together in a wild west setting.

At the start of the game a woman is kidnapped and it is up to you as Clive to go and save her.  Although at the start of the game there is a character select screen so you can also play as the woman's strange.  If you do choose to play as the female character she has a little bit of a different jump but her and Clive both play about the same way.

The game play is standard side scrolling action and it's quite clear to see right from the get go that Megaman was a pretty clear inspiration for the game play.

Remind you of anything?
You jump and shoot your way through a bunch of levels and then there is a boss.  Each boss has a unique design but you kill them all in exactly the same way, by shooting them in the face.  It's a shame the bosses weren't made to be a little more complex because the levels change up their design as you go through but it's not going to ruin the experience.

It's also got this really sleek art style that makes it look like something out of a story book but the soundtrack is a bit forgettable.  My only other real complaint with this game is that it's very short.  I finished the whole thing in about an hour,  but then again the game costs only £1.50, so it's an appropriate price for what you get I guess.

That said, upon completion of the game you unlock a Duck mode, where you have to play the entire game as a duck that can't attack.  I've not played much of this mode so I'm not sure how you'd kill bosses but it's something I'll go and look at some day soon.

Still, if you have a little bit of spare change and you need to kill a few hours in an afternoon, Gunman Clive is a fun little way to do so.  Replaying for speed or damageless runs is also something that may extend your game time, so there is definitely £1.50s worth of content here.

Monday, 6 January 2014

Saturday, 4 January 2014

Awesome Games Done Quick 2014

Get hype!! One of the greatest gaming marathons of the year is starting real soon!

That's right, Awesome Games Done Quick is back and it starts TODAY, from 12pm EST if I understand the information on the website correctly so make sure to go and watch the stream and support all the speed running goodness at this link.

If you don't know what this AGDQ is, it's a HUGE marathon of games being speed run by various people from the Speed Demos Archive and Speed Runs Live community in order to raise money for the prevent cancer foundation.

It's a great cause and all the runners at the event are extremely skilled.  WAY more skilled than any of the speed runs that I've ever put out, so if you enjoy watching me then I suggest you go and watch them and see how it's really done.

They have a huge goal this year and I hope they can go above and beyond so I hope anyone who happens to come across this page in time will go and check them out and maybe consider a donation to them. 

If it wasn't for these guys, Identity Gaming wouldn't exist since it was this event that basically acted as the inspiration for this site.  So stop reading this post and go and watch some damn runs already!

Friday, 3 January 2014

Tau and Friends Play Silent Bomber Part 15! *Final*

There has been a little bit of a slump in content due to christmas and new years, but now with all the obligations out of the way I can resume an unhealthy amount of gaming until I start work again.  Let's kick it off with the final episode of Silent Bomber, shall we?

Don't forget to check out the links on the right hand side of the page and consider a donation to the Alzheimer's Society if you are enjoying the content!